How to Win Anyone over with Rockstar Communication Skills: 4 Tips for Asking Questions like You Care
Regardless of where I go or who I meet, I feel relatively at ease with communication. This isn’t because I have lots to say about any given subject, rather, it’s because I’m well equipped at asking questions.
Asking productive questions makes me a better communicator, because I invite people to speak first before I speak to them. I love to hear someone say “That’s a good question”, because it’s it’s a signal to me that I’m making them think.
When I considered how best to ask questions and get someone talking, I identified 4 distinctions I employ regularly to keep conversations moving, in both business and personal life:
1. Communication skills: Ask open ended questions
Starting questions with “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “how,” or “why” lead to answers that people need to think about generating responses that go beyond “yes” and “no”.
For example:
- Who recommended us to you?
- What is your main problem?
- Where did you hear about our company?
- When do you need a solution to your problem by?
- How can I help you today?
- Why did you choose to come to us?
2. Communication skills: Ask follow up questions
I’ve found that when people say something, the first thing they say is rarely the whole story. I will typically use a follow up question like:
- What makes you say that?
- Why do you think that?
- Can you tell me more about that?
3. Communication skills: Listen to the answers
This one is a tough one for many. Often, when in a discussion, we hear what someone is saying, but instead of really listening, we’re busy thinking about what we’re going to say next. People feel the need to fill silence, so being quiet after a asking a question shows that you care about what the other person is saying.
It gives them the space they might need to think, and answer your question more comprehensively.
Listening can give us the chance to process information, which helps to prevent misunderstandings and problems caused by miscommunication.
4. Communication skills: Don’t interrupt!
Interrupting someone demonstrates that you’re not really listening to what they’re saying, or worse don’t care about what they’re saying. For example, if you interrupt someone to add your own thoughts, opinions and experiences it sends the message that you think you “know it all” and are not open to what other people might have to say on the subject.
Sometimes, people will not stop talking and may even go off topic from the question that was asked. If this happens, using body language to signal that you want to speak (e.g. slightly raising your hand with your palm facing them to signal “stop”) might help send a non-verbal message that their time to speak is coming to an end. If you say something like, “Let me see if I understand what you’re saying…”, allows for a natural pause and can steer them back to the main topic of the conversation.